


9 Reasons Why Sam Is No Longer Allowed To Read Slash - A Crack!Fic

by Huntress69



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress69/pseuds/Huntress69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's reading too much slash</p>
            </blockquote>





	9 Reasons Why Sam Is No Longer Allowed To Read Slash - A Crack!Fic

**Disclaimer: I lost another piece of my sanity with this fic. And no, I still don't own Dean or Sam.**

**++++++++++**

Dean Winchester was exhausted beyond belief. Sam was non-stop in bed, like the damn energizer bunny. Thankfully, the younger Winchester had fallen asleep, and Dean silently got out of bed, afraid of waking Sam up. For the moment Sam opened his eyes, he wanted sex. 

Sex in bed (which was fine), against-the-wall sex, shower sex (Dean had a lump from cracking his head against the tiles), floor sex (Dean had a bad case of rug burn), food sex (it took him 2 days to get the smell of chocolate syrup off his body), on-top-of-the-car sex (he had purple bruises on his knees)... **any** kind of sex. And it was all the fault of those damn slash writers. 

Not that he and Sam hadn't been doing the horizontal mambo since well, forever (except of course for the four years Sam was at Stanford, and the three weeks following Jessica's death - Dean did allow him some mourning time), but it was getting ridiculous. 

Dean sat at the computer trying to find them a case - any type of case. But after an hour of nothing, zip, nada (what, were all the demons on sabbatical?) he decided to surf porn - gay porn. The sex was less tiring when done with his own right hand these days. And since he was in a reading mood, he pulled up his usual search engine for the hottest guy-on-guy fics, and clicked on a link without looking at it. He had gotten no more than two paragraphs in when the names **SAM AND DEAN** jumped out at him. He did a double take and realized he had somehow ended up on that damn Supernatural Slash site. He couldn't even get away from it all on the internet. 

And then Sam began to moan in his sleep, and Dean caught a few words...."Dean...hot...tight...fuck...." And now he couldn't jerk off in peace when Sam was asleep!

Clicking off the site, Dean opened a document file, and decided to make a list of what he was going to discuss with Sam regarding little brother's **extremely** overactive libido and his recent propensity for reading slash and taking it (most of it anyway) as gospel....

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Things to deal with ASAP:**  
1\. Delete Becky's number from Sam's cell - He tells her what we've done and she gives him ideas of what we **can** do.  
2\. Forbid Sam from surfing _MoreThenBrothers.Net_ and looking at manips. I am not capable of getting into most of those positions.  
3\. Just because fics say I like it _rough and raw_ doesn't mean that is a fact.   
3A. I don't care what the fics say - sunscreen, whipped cream, hair gel, and toothpaste do not make for good lube.  
3B. The fics lie! I do **NOT** like to play _prison guard/virginal inmate_.  
4\. Handcuffs chafe and candle wax is not fun to play with.  
5\. The clavicle is a **very** sensitive part of my body; so are my nipples.  
6\. _Tied To The Whipping Post_ and _Bend Me, Shape Me_ are songs, not games. And as for games, at my age, _naked Twister_ translates to a sore back.  
7\. Paddles are for balls, not my ass.  
8\. Calling me "Deanie" in bed is not a turn-on.  
8A. Neither are "Lovemuffin", "Honeybear," or "Snookums". And "Big Daddy" destroys the mood completely.  
8B. Likewise announcing to a roomful of bikers that "He's my bitch".  
8C. Also being publicly possessive and giving the poor girl at _Dairy Queen_ a death glare and driving her to tears because she gave me free sprinkles and her phone number.  
9\. Angels are not permitted to play voyeur because Sam read one lousy fic and came to the conclusion that it's "kinda kinky having Castiel watch".

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Dean nodded to himself as he read over his list. Oh yeah, he and Sam were going to have a long discussion tomorrow.

"Dean, come back to bed."

"Not now, Sammy. I'm trying to find us a job."

"I'm going to cuff you to the bedpost, lick your ass, suck your cock, and fuck you stupid." 

Dean closed the laptop. "I'm coming, Sam."

"Oh yeah, Deanie, you certainly are...."

Dean smiled as he walked back to the bed. 

It wasn't tomorrow yet.

**FIN - And aren't you glad it is?**


End file.
